Tuesday, April 29, 2008

God Speaking?

Lately Psalm 23 has been on my mind. The whole book really, but particularly the 23rd chapter. I really have no clue why, but it wouldn't be just for any old reason. As I was reading through it tonight before I went to bed, I noticed something...

Even though I walk 
       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil, 
       for you are with me; 
       your rod and your staff, 
       they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4

And then I realized it.. wait for it, wait for it.. Hey, that's in a song! (Yes, you probably think I am blonde, but whateverrr.) After playing through the song in my head I figured out it was Matt Redman's You Never Let Go.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect lo
ve is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth


Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles 
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Wow. That song reminds me of things I need to constantly remember. "There will be an end to these troubles but until that day come, still I will praise You." Ouch. I need to remember all of that, especially the last part. And the fact that He never lets go. Even when we think we let go, or we do. Sometimes, I feel like I am being dragged back by God to where he wants me, and He never gives up -- through all the fighting and kicking back. It reminds me of John 10:28-30..

28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30I and the Father are one."

He will never let go. && no one can pluck us away. 

Everyone probably already knows this, but maybe this point is one reason why I keep going back to Psalm 23. 
(Or maybe because The Number 23) =D
Thought.. Comment.. Thanks 

Monday, April 28, 2008


Insight into my life: Stressed out.

It's pretty crazy right now. I am running off of little to no sleep, and that definitely isn't helping. This past week is hella crazyyyy.

Saturday night was grad bash and didn't get home until 4:15 A.M.
Woke up for church on Sunday at 8:30 A.M. Ouch. Then I reallllly wanted to go to the beach, so I abducted Alyson and Brent for a couple of hours. After the beach I had to start on this psychology paper that took foreverrr. And a day.. 
I woke up late this morning and still hadn't completed my paper. I needed to do my reference page. APA style. Ahh, not cool man. After showing up late to class everyday, Mr. Fifteen Minutes pretty much hates me, but still took my paper because I had a note. Whatever. Blah. Then on to Drama class. Pretty much don't care about that class anymore. I got in trouble for eating my poptart in class. A poptart. My poptart. So I walked outside and finished eating it. =] What can I say?? I was hungry and I sure wasn't going to throw it away. Now to InDesign. Pretty much slacked off in there too. School is becoming harder and harder to go to, and hard and hard to care about. 
Then I am home for a few hours. I did 2 loads of Brent's and my laundry (which still needs to be folded) and squeezed in an hour nap. I finally got up at 3 to shower to be to work at 4. When I got out of the shower at 3:15, I had a bajillion missed calls, and voicemails, along with a zillion more texts. Wellllll maybe not thaaaaaaaaat many, but you get the picture. Work changed the schedule for me to come in at 3, instead of 4 and didn't tell me. Thanks a lot work. I finally get there and get remarks about how I'm late, which isn't my fault... but I won't even get started on that. So I start off my work day in a pretty crappy mood. It got better for a little while, then people have to get all immature and bent outta shape about a little "incident" and flip out. YAY! Whateverrrr, I know that he still really does care by the way he was acting. But, I'll just add work to the list of IDC =D

Now I am finally home and need to be getting some rest. It's my goal not to be late tomorrow, but you know how I am. The whole rest of this week is hella busy and more stressful. Joys, I can't wait. Thanks for putting up with my random blog of nothing entertaining, just complaints about dumbbbb things. Blah. You could still comment! =D Actually, I reallly want you to comment because I have no idea what you'd say to all this.

P.S. May 1st is college decision day. All paperwork is due then. That means I still need to get a physical. And fill out the paperwork. 
P.P.S. Plussss attend all of the musical rehearsals. And church. And work =[ I just want to be graduated already...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Lessons Learned


Somehow I always end up picking controversial topics to blog on. =]

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason."

I found this quote somewhere a little while ago and I definitely agree with it. I live my life without regrets. That doesn't mean I don't repent, or feel badly for the things I've done, but everything happens for a reason. These events, that some people might regret, have shaped who I am today. I have learned, or I am in the process of learning, from mistakes I have made. There are no regrets in life, just lessons. My life is far from perfect, but at least I can go to sleep every night knowing I live without regrets. At one point in time, everything I have done was exactly what I wanted, right or wrong. 

Let me know your thoughts on this. =]

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Those were the days.

Whenever I have time to take a nice, long nap, my fansatical mind decides to not shut off. Thanks a lot mind! While I was counting sheep, or dancing chickens (that was for you, Beth!) I started thinking and thinking and thinking. In less than five months, everything will change. I mean everything. Things change all the time, but I always knew going into my next year of school I would have my friends. But what about now....

It's not that I think I'll be friendless, or lose touch with everyone, because I won't. But -- I'm afraid of this change. College. Moving (even though I am not going that far.. others are). The future.

Honestly, I thought I would never make it to this point. Some of you might know where I am coming from, but I thought I would never even have to worry about this. I was at my brother's graduation and never thought in two years, I'd be exactly where he was. A sense of accomplishment, yet fear. Bittersweet.

I know there are still seven weeks of school left, plus all of summer. But what about after that. Most of my learning and growing have happened during the past 4 years with my more-than-words-can-convey-amazing friends. There are so many memories. I never want to lose those. I never want to lose them. I know some of us will slowly drift away, that always happens. I don't want it to though! I am sad just sitting here and thinking about it. Every day that passes, it hits me harder and harder in the face. 

It's crazy to think how much has changed in four years, and why I am so scared for this change?All of us are going to different colleges. Why can't we pick them up and merge them all together? I guess that'd be too easy. 

And what about youth group. I say we extend the age limit. I know we can't, but pleeeeease? On Thursday night in Philly this whole sense of change finally hit me. This was the last trip for all of us to be together. There still is camp, but that's not the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm not downing camp.. but it's different. All the talks, the memories.. just become a grain of sand in the past. 

I love my friends. Some have become family. I thank God that He put them in my life. To hold me accountable. To laugh with. Cry with. Do stupid things with. I have learned so much from them. I'm grateful they never gave up on me. They are truly some of the most amazing people I have met.

I look forward to the future and what God has in store for me, but I'm still worried. Sad. Confused. Excited. Nervous. Thankful. Most of all, joyful. 

"Give all your worries to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will never let good people down." Psalm 55:22

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Let's play catch up!

Well, hello there. Let's catch up.

The week in Philly was unbelievable. And that is an under-statement. If I were to go into every detail of it, it'd take me a week. It's sad to think that it was one of the last major trips with everyone on that trip. I am humbled I was able to go and share the life changing experiences with everyone that went. =] To find out more, check out JJ's blog.

Moving on...

After our "Spring Break", that wasn't a break, we returned to dreaded school. Right now there are something like 32 days of school left! I don't know about everyone else, but I have had this "Senioritis" since freshman year. There is no cure. Anyways.. I started the last quarter of school with Psychology as first block. This class has sparked much discussion. Let's make one thing clear before I dig deeper into these subjects: I never said what I believe, I am just making statements. To be completely honest, I am not sure what I believe...

One of the topics is hope. "There is no such thing as hope. Hope unknown." These are both quotes I am sure you have heard about, or read about. I definitely think there are two different types of hope. I am not disputing the biblical view of hope, but is it necessary to have hope (worldly view) in order to have Hope (biblical view)? Hope is a situational word. Hope differs as to what each person believes. Life without Hope (biblically speaking) would be dark and pointless. In that sense, we shouldn't be hopeless. But what about hope? If hope is what gets you from one day to the next, then go ahead and believe in it. We shouldn't be so hopeful though that we do not see the reality of things, or so hopeless that we see no point in going from one day to the next. Now is that Hope, or hope? 

Next topic. Reality. Reality is bold in the previous paragraph because of another statement. "The only reality that exists is what is in our minds." We are born with a clean slate. Nothing. Reality is what we make it. Or is it...?

Final topic for this post. Altruism. We do everything for ourselves. Whether we think we are doing something for someone else or not, in the end we are doing it for ourselves. There is the cost/reward: where wonderful minds figure out what the cost is to do something (help someone out), and what our reward will be. That's pretty much self-explanatory. Also, there is empathy. When we empathize with someone, we have the ability to understand and share the same feelings with others. It's still about ourselves. No matter what. Consciously or subconsciously. It doesn't mean we are wrong. Everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. Let's take feeding the homeless, as we did in Philly. In Proverbs 19:17 "Being kind to the poor is like lending to the Lord, he will reward you for what you have done." Okay, point taken? In the end, we are rewarded. Ourselves. Me. Even when we help others, it's about us. 

Okayyyy. After that, you may want to severely hurt me. Note: We won't always agree. I'm not out to start arguments with anyone. I am also not judging anyone. Simply questioning, and somewhat defending things. I am still figuring out what exactly I believe. So, as J.sica wrote, lets converse! =] lool. (Ima word stealer!)

P.S. I believe in one that that is for sure and will never change. That is that Jesus Christ is my Savior and through Him all things are possible. I wouldn't be who I am today without that, and I just wanted to make that clear. When I say I am questioning things, my faith is not one of them. =]

Please, pLease, plEase, pleAse, pleaSe, pleasE comment. Thanks!