Thursday, July 24, 2008

Taking a mulligan.

Mulligan. Do over. Another shot.

Good thing God gives those out unconditionally. No matter how far apart we've grown from Him, how side-tracked our lives are, basically how selfish and up lifting of ourselves we are - God is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS waiting for our focus to get back on track, to be focused on Him. Even when we are kicking and screaming and fighting Him away, He'll drag us back to where HE wants us to be. Because it's not about me, even though I like to make it that way. Hence, last nights blog... I made it about me.

Let me tell you, I make a crappy god. Others can tell you that too. I bring myself down, to the point of depression. Well, I am tired of being there. Last night I still wasn't letting go. I hold on to things. That gets me going in circles. Vicious circles. (Not like Dane Cook.) I'm tired of holding on to the past and trying to create what I think my walk should look like. 

So here I am. Giving God the keys to my life, yet again, and letting Him drive. Letting go. Of everything. I'm done with it. Done with the past. I know there is still consequences for the choices I've made, but I'm not going to hold on to what I've done. I cannot change that. Sometimes it comes to the point of feeling like you are going to give up to actually give up. Giving everything to God. Not be selective about what you "give", but just giving it all. Because I can't do this on my own.

I'm going to stop worrying so much about what I'm getting out of life, and start giving to others. Lost people need to be found, and found people need to grow. Two of my favorite (serious) quotes from camp. And also -- The truth doesn't require your approval for it to be the truth. So make that three of my favorite quotes. I know the feeling I had on the way home from Philly is what I want/need to be feeling. Serving others.

I apologize for my recent actions and my blog last night. Mulligan?
P.S. Hold Fast - MercyMe. Good song.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

When everything else is gone.

When you get a chance, look up the lyrics to Dig by Incubus. Then you'll understand the title of this blog.

I know everything else isn't "gone", but sometimes it feels that way. Sure, I have the best friends anyone could really ask for, that are always by my side (the true ones) but when I am by myself, it's another story. I say you don't understand, but you probably do.

Regret. I have always said how I live life without regrets. Hello self-centered world. If I were to truly live without regret, it means I would live without repentance too. I regret, meaning if I could go back and change something, I would. But I still think everything happens for a reason and we can learn and move on from anything and everything. I regret a lot of things from my past though, and I'm sure before I die I'll regret more - but I'm going to try to not focus on those things. Pshhh, yeah. Right. =[

Music. Lately I've been going through iTunes listening to a bunch of music. I've missed it =[ Especially Brand New. I pretty much love all of their songs, but Seventy Times Seven is amazing. Because it's so true. Also been going through some old CD's too. Ones that had meaning, and still do, actually. Oh well. 

Mashed potatoes. That's been my brain for the past little bit. I don't know how to explain it. I'll be so tired, like I am right now -- but my mind won't turn off. I've lost the off switch or something. I hate being so tired. And this college thing... I don't know. I feel like I am having second thoughts about everything right now. Sure you'll say that I need CCC - but really? Really? I'm not so sure anymore. Then again, I don't know what I am sure of. I know I wanna get out of this rut so to speak. And I need help, I've got help.. but am I just pushing you away? Giving you reasons to throw in your towel and quit, or give up? I seem to have become a master mind at pushing people away.

Hmmm. Guess I'll quit my pity party now. Don't want pity though, just expressing myself. =]
How do you feel about regrets? Music? Mashed potatoes?
Comment if you'd like. I'd like it.