Sunday, May 18, 2008

Sleeping Beauty

I wish I could sleep right now. My mind is racing, and won't slow down for anything.

Tonight was the last high school musical for me, and for a lot of us. It was sad watching it from the audience and not performing. That was somewhat my choice though. And the fact that I must work in order to live, but that's another story. I miss performing. Being on stage. The week of the show jitters. The first night worries. The last night joys. Being around all the drama kids. The drama geeks. The kids that have greatly impacted my life. Some of my closest friends.

Tonight was bittersweet. More of that is to come I suppose. There are NINE school days until graduation. 9 days. Thirteen years of schooling leading up to this one day. Crazy. Then college. I know I want to perform on the stage in college, but is that too far fetched? You might think it's corny, but theatre is one of my passions. I cannot leave it at the high school. Maybe I'll have to. I just don't know.

I think that is one of the most scary things about life. Not knowing. It is all in God's hands though. I feel like I am trying to follow His path for me with a blindfold on. I just don't know what is next. but no one really does. BUT, I know whatever it is, it's for His honor and glory. Always. That's my goal. And that, is the greatest comfort of all right now.

Embrace it.

Hopefully I will have an easier time getting to sleep now that my thoughts are out there. 
(Brain, turn off.. Please!)
P.S. Comment!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Heal Heels

October 14, 2007.

What were you doing that day? That afternoon? Do you remember? How about that night? Say, 2 a.m.?

Some of you were with me at the Aquatic Center. (I think that is what it's called?) Anyways, that is the day I decided I wanted to hurt my heels. Bad. Reallllly bad. Worse than anything I have ever done before. I wanted to go to the hospital it would be so bad. And I had a plan. I wanted to go down the big scary slide. Twice. The first time, I wanted everything to go normal, like all the other kids. The second time I wanted a BIG splash. I mean bigger than JJ splash (sorry JJ =])!!!

When I got towards the bottom of the slide I was gunna pick my feet up so I would glide across the water. Only that didn't happen. Since I was set out to hurt my heels, I slammed my feet down on the bottom of the pool. Ouch! That slide/pool/bottom of the pool left behind a legacy. It basically said, "You remember me forever!" And then it smashed my heels. (Thank you Dane Cook!)

Moral of the story: I will remember this for the rest of my life.

Maybe I am exaggerating a little (lot) bit, but almost seven months later and I am still experiencing the pain. Today it is worse than others. I guess it didn't help that I basically stopped using crutches a month after it happen, when I was told to use them 3 - 6 months. Walking around on my tip-toes only lasted for so long. And I don't like taking medicine. There's no one to blame but me, yet I still complain. But OUCH! 

Let there be a lesson learned. Quite a few actually. Let's start off with #1 - Lift your feet at the bottom of water slides. # 2 - Listen to doctors. # 3 - Humble yourself, and let others help you when they offer it. # 4 - __________ (fill in the blank!)

As a side note:
I downloaded a not-so-new song today and have listened to it a bunch of times. It is Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle. Beth's blog made me think of it. (She's in my roll o blogs!) I really thought about the lyrics. Some that stood out to me, (basically the whole song but,)....

To the cross I look.
To the cross I cling.
God is love. 
God is just.
At the cross You beckon me. You draw me gently to my knees, and I am lost for words, so lost 
in love, I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Wow. I really love songs like that, no matter how cliche you think they are. It really made me think.. about even just seeing a cross. Or even just wearing one around your neck. It's so much more that. It's about clinging to the cross. Clinging on to Him. Being so crazy lost in love that you have no idea what so say, or what to do. Not this "feeling" of love, but the action. What God did for us is love, but how do we love back? Some of us never do.

I like posting about randomness! I wanna know your thoughts, yes you, because other people always have an awesome way of conveying what I am thinking! Yay! So commentttt.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

2 Peter 3!

2 Peter 3

Go read that. Now.

Randomly, I turned to that page in my bible. I know we have talked about that chapter recently, but it's amazing. Okay, the whole bible is amazing.. but still! I know all of you know this stuff I am blogging on already.. but I like typing my thoughts out. =]

Verse 8 -- My fantastical mind is still boggled at the fact that 2,000 years in only TWO DAYS to the Lord. Did you catch that? TWO DAYS!!!! That's like from today to Tuesday. Monday to Wednesday. I still cannot wrap my mind around that. 

Verse 9 -- But God is being patient with you. God is being patient with me? Are you kidding me? (Slap in the face.) I am one of the most impatient people in the world, and I think we all can be at some point in time, but God still is patient with us. Sigh of relief! Good thing. =D

Verse 6 -- I like reading backwards. Anyways, I thought of Sunday School! Yay, I was paying attention! Noah built an arkie-arkie. And the animals went in by twosies-twosies. (Thank you Beth and Kaeli!)

Verse 17 -- I always like to think, "Oh, this won't happen to me," about everything. As many times as I've read this lately (Be careful so you will not fall from your strong faith.), I realize that it can happen to me. It will. And it does. 
Looking back, which I try not to do very often, I can think of kids in the youth group when I first started going to FSCC that this has happened to, this falling away. I'm not judging anyone, so please don't take it that way. Some of them used to be close friends. I'm not saying that we (or I) have given up on them, but I see it happening to them. I can see myself very easily going down that same path. I know I do go down that same path. That happens to be "my path", to build up "my own kingdom', not God's. (Another slap in the face.)
I know that if it weren't for this close family of people I met a year and a halfish ago, I would still be going down my path. I wouldn't have people there to call me out when they notice I am more worried about my path rather than the Lord's. I am so thankful they are always there for me.
I am also thankful God is so patient. I know He never promised His path would be easy, and I think I like the challenge (in the long run at least.) Life would be dull if it was made out to be easy. 

Verse 18 --  Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the Glory. Note to self: Notice that doesn't say to Kaydee or Allah, or Budda, or anyone (or anything) else. And that it says grow in the grace and knowledge. We can continually grow, and shouldn't stop. I know I have thought I can put my "growing" on pause, and we shouldn't. I also know I have never experience as much growing as I did on Monday night on the missions trip, and I thought I could easily keep that fervor. You know as well as I do that it's not easy, so I don't know why I was crazy enough to think that.

Not so random of a thought: I am called into missions. I am not sure what that means exactly, but that's my calling. Monday night on the missions trip I realized this: Missions = Fervor.

I know this blog is random with a ton of random thoughts, but it gives you a lot to comment on! =] 
So do itttt.