Sleeping Beauty

I wish I could sleep right now. My mind is racing, and won't slow down for anything.

Tonight was the last high school musical for me, and for a lot of us. It was sad watching it from the audience and not performing. That was somewhat my choice though. And the fact that I must work in order to live, but that's another story. I miss performing. Being on stage. The week of the show jitters. The first night worries. The last night joys. Being around all the drama kids. The drama geeks. The kids that have greatly impacted my life. Some of my closest friends.

Tonight was bittersweet. More of that is to come I suppose. There are NINE school days until graduation. 9 days. Thirteen years of schooling leading up to this one day. Crazy. Then college. I know I want to perform on the stage in college, but is that too far fetched? You might think it's corny, but theatre is one of my passions. I cannot leave it at the high school. Maybe I'll have to. I just don't know.

I think that is one of the most scary things about life. Not knowing. It is all in God's hands though. I feel like I am trying to follow His path for me with a blindfold on. I just don't know what is next. but no one really does. BUT, I know whatever it is, it's for His honor and glory. Always. That's my goal. And that, is the greatest comfort of all right now.

Embrace it.

Hopefully I will have an easier time getting to sleep now that my thoughts are out there. 

(Brain, turn off.. Please!)

P.S. Comment!

2 Peter 3!

2 Peter 3

Go read that. Now.

Randomly, I turned to that page in my bible. I know we have talked about that chapter recently, but it's amazing. Okay, the whole bible is amazing.. but still! I know all of you know this stuff I am blogging on already.. but I like typing my thoughts out. =]

Verse 8 -- My fantastical mind is still boggled at the fact that 2,000 years in only TWO DAYS to the Lord. Did you catch that? TWO DAYS!!!! That's like from today to Tuesday. Monday to Wednesday. I still cannot wrap my mind around that. 

Verse 9 -- But God is being patient with you. God is being patient with me? Are you kidding me? (Slap in the face.) I am one of the most impatient people in the world, and I think we all can be at some point in time, but God still is patient with us. Sigh of relief! Good thing. =D

Verse 6 -- I like reading backwards. Anyways, I thought of Sunday School! Yay, I was paying attention! Noah built an arkie-arkie. And the animals went in by twosies-twosies. (Thank you Beth and Kaeli!)

Verse 17 -- I always like to think, "Oh, this won't happen to me," about everything. As many times as I've read this lately (Be careful so you will not fall from your strong faith.), I realize that it can happen to me. It will. And it does. 

Looking back, which I try not to do very often, I can think of kids in the youth group when I first started going to FSCC that this has happened to, this falling away. I'm not judging anyone, so please don't take it that way. Some of them used to be close friends. I'm not saying that we (or I) have given up on them, but I see it happening to them. I can see myself very easily going down that same path. I know I do go down that same path. That happens to be "my path", to build up "my own kingdom', not God's. (Another slap in the face.)

I know that if it weren't for this close family of people I met a year and a halfish ago, I would still be going down my path. I wouldn't have people there to call me out when they notice I am more worried about my path rather than the Lord's. I am so thankful they are always there for me.

I am also thankful God is so patient. I know He never promised His path would be easy, and I think I like the challenge (in the long run at least.) Life would be dull if it was made out to be easy. 

Verse 18 --  Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the Glory. Note to self: Notice that doesn't say to Kaydee or Allah, or Budda, or anyone (or anything) else. And that it says grow in the grace and knowledge. We can continually grow, and shouldn't stop. I know I have thought I can put my "growing" on pause, and we shouldn't. I also know I have never experience as much growing as I did on Monday night on the missions trip, and I thought I could easily keep that fervor. You know as well as I do that it's not easy, so I don't know why I was crazy enough to think that.

Not so random of a thought: I am called into missions. I am not sure what that means exactly, but that's my calling. Monday night on the missions trip I realized this: Missions = Fervor.

I know this blog is random with a ton of random thoughts, but it gives you a lot to comment on! =] 

So do itttt.

God Speaking?

Lately Psalm 23 has been on my mind. The whole book really, but particularly the 23rd chapter. I really have no clue why, but it wouldn't be just for any old reason. As I was reading through it tonight before I went to bed, I noticed something...

Even though I walk 

       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil, 
       for you are with me; 
       your rod and your staff, 
       they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

And then I realized it.. wait for it, wait for it.. Hey, that's in a song! (Yes, you probably think I am blonde, but whateverrr.) After playing through the song in my head I figured out it was Matt Redman's You Never Let Go.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles 
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Wow. That song reminds me of things I need to constantly remember. "There will be an end to these troubles but until that day come, still I will praise You." Ouch. I need to remember all of that, especially the last part. And the fact that He never lets go. Even when we think we let go, or we do. Sometimes, I feel like I am being dragged back by God to where he wants me, and He never gives up -- through all the fighting and kicking back. It reminds me of John 10:28-30..

28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30I and the Father are one."

He will never let go. && no one can pluck us away. 

Everyone probably already knows this, but maybe this point is one reason why I keep going back to Psalm 23. 

(Or maybe because The Number 23) =D

Thought.. Comment.. Thanks 

Blabbering.

Insight into my life: Stressed out.

It's pretty crazy right now. I am running off of little to no sleep, and that definitely isn't helping. This past week is hella crazyyyy.

Saturday night was grad bash and didn't get home until 4:15 A.M.

Woke up for church on Sunday at 8:30 A.M. Ouch. Then I reallllly wanted to go to the beach, so I abducted Alyson and Brent for a couple of hours. After the beach I had to start on this psychology paper that took foreverrr. And a day.. 

I woke up late this morning and still hadn't completed my paper. I needed to do my reference page. APA style. Ahh, not cool man. After showing up late to class everyday, Mr. Fifteen Minutes pretty much hates me, but still took my paper because I had a note. Whatever. Blah. Then on to Drama class. Pretty much don't care about that class anymore. I got in trouble for eating my poptart in class. A poptart. My poptart. So I walked outside and finished eating it. =] What can I say?? I was hungry and I sure wasn't going to throw it away. Now to InDesign. Pretty much slacked off in there too. School is becoming harder and harder to go to, and hard and hard to care about. 

Then I am home for a few hours. I did 2 loads of Brent's and my laundry (which still needs to be folded) and squeezed in an hour nap. I finally got up at 3 to shower to be to work at 4. When I got out of the shower at 3:15, I had a bajillion missed calls, and voicemails, along with a zillion more texts. Wellllll maybe not thaaaaaaaaat many, but you get the picture. Work changed the schedule for me to come in at 3, instead of 4 and didn't tell me. Thanks a lot work. I finally get there and get remarks about how I'm late, which isn't my fault... but I won't even get started on that. So I start off my work day in a pretty crappy mood. It got better for a little while, then people have to get all immature and bent outta shape about a little "incident" and flip out. YAY! Whateverrrr, I know that he still really does care by the way he was acting. But, I'll just add work to the list of IDC =D

Now I am finally home and need to be getting some rest. It's my goal not to be late tomorrow, but you know how I am. The whole rest of this week is hella busy and more stressful. Joys, I can't wait. Thanks for putting up with my random blog of nothing entertaining, just complaints about dumbbbb things. Blah. You could still comment! =D Actually, I reallly want you to comment because I have no idea what you'd say to all this.

P.S. May 1st is college decision day. All paperwork is due then. That means I still need to get a physical. And fill out the paperwork. 

P.P.S. Plussss attend all of the musical rehearsals. And church. And work =[ I just want to be graduated already...

Lessons Learned

Regret.

Somehow I always end up picking controversial topics to blog on. =]

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason."

I found this quote somewhere a little while ago and I definitely agree with it. I live my life without regrets. That doesn't mean I don't repent, or feel badly for the things I've done, but everything happens for a reason. These events, that some people might regret, have shaped who I am today. I have learned, or I am in the process of learning, from mistakes I have made. There are no regrets in life, just lessons. My life is far from perfect, but at least I can go to sleep every night knowing I live without regrets. At one point in time, everything I have done was exactly what I wanted, right or wrong. 

Let me know your thoughts on this. =]

Rambling.

Apparently blogging is becoming the new "in" thing. Like Jessica said, it reminds me of the days before MySpace. Reminds me of Xanga!

Anyways... ramble!

I am one of the ones having a tough week. Not so much a tough week, just a crappy Tuesday that bled over to Wednesday. Overall though, I need to realize things aren't about myself, and my bad couple of days, and really focus on the fact we are leaving for Philly in 53(ish) hours. There is no way I can go into this missions trip the way I am right now. I can honestly say that. We all have blah days but I am sure there are people any and everywhere going through worse. I don't have the right to compromise people in Philly I could reach out too because things don't go as I planned for me. I guess the only thing I can say is.. I am working on it. It is not too often you'll hear (or read) me admit these kinds of things. Don't get me wrong though.. I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I am jut sorta using this blogging spot as a way to express myself. 

I hope that most everyone reading this will comment. It doesn't have to be about the blog, but just comment in general. It'll help to get my brain going for other ideas to type about! =]