To fail, or not to fail?

Thanksgiving Break.

Break - [intrans.] stop proceedings in order to have a pause or vacation.

One of the many definition for break, and obviously the teachers never understood what it meant! I have so much homework -- online tests, quizzes, papers, projects, speeches -- that this should not be considered a break! Although I didn't get out of bed til one today.. So it is somewhat a break.

I have had a bunch of chill time since I am not all stressed out about school. I know I should be working on homework, but I am a professional procrastinator. In my millions of hours of sitting on my bed staring at the walls, I have been reading a LOT! One of the books is by Mark Driscoll, and the other is like a devotional book one of my unit mates let me borrow. Awesome! 

One of the devotions is titled Failure and God. If you don't know what my biggest fear is -- it's failure. When I came across this devo, I skipped it and when on to the next one. I tried to read the next one but my fantastical mind couldn't stop thinking about the failure one! Ugh. Dumb mind. So I figured I would go back and read it... Good choice. The first line is, "Failure does not mean God has abandoned you; it does mean God has a better way."

WHATTTTT?!?! Crazy! I don't think I have ever really thought of failure like that before. It is kinda comforting, if you know what I mean. God redirects our steps to get us to His goals He has set for us and His plan.. so our "failure" is because we are not getting what we want done or what we want.. but really that doesn't matter anyways. I don't know if this even makes sense, but I know what I mean, and it's really awesome. 

Of course I don't want to fail. I hate that. But now I am seeing it in a different light. Instead of my biggest fear being failure -- it should be not following God's will, and losing sight of it. If our faith is genuine, there is no need to fear failure in my opinion. Even if it seems we have failed, it's important to do what is right.. not for ourselves, but for God

2 Corinthians 13:5

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you -- unless, of course, you fail the test?

When it's cold outside, I've got the month of November...

Maybe not quite how the lyrics go, but close.
Time for a quick I-don't-want-to-do-homework-right-now break.

I didn't want to get out of bed today because it was so cold. Or maybe the fact that I went to bed around 3:30 am and my alarm was waking me up at 7:30 am. Either way, I did not want to get up. At 8, I failed my bible test. At 9, I was late for chapel. At 10, I was dazed and confused during English. At 11, it was my third time being asked if everything was okay.. I guess it's apparent I am crazyyyy tired. Pressing on..

Happy White Glove Eve. This is the craziest week EVER. Tonight and Thursday show no signs of slowing down, but speeding up. Ahhh...

Dear God, since this is Florida -- can you please turn the HEAT back on? Please..?!?

Last night at Alive I was really thinking about what I am thankful for. I know it seems so cliche, but Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. =D

I am really thankful for everyone that has pushed me to where I am today. I wouldn't be going to Clearwater if I didn't have everyone's support, so thank you. I'm thankful for Beth and JJ being huge influences in my life. Basically, they are my parents. I love them. They are awesome.

Also, I am thankful for my mom. Crazy huh? I know, you never expected me to be typing this. Ever since I moved into CCC we have gotten along great. Whenever I go home we have really cool talks. She is opening up a lot and I love it. My Poppy was in the hospital and God used this event to make my mom realize things. I know she claims to be Catholic, but whatever she thinks she is, she has definately fallen away from God. She doesn't believe that faith and good works get you to heaven, but faith alone. This makes me believe that there are some saved Catholics, it just varies from person to person. I know there are some doctrinal differences, but everyone's view and opinion is different. Anyways, point of the story is -- I am thankful for my mom. She's changing. And it's awesome to see that. It's in the little things.. like texting me and saying she is blessed to have me as her daughter. And emails. Yeah.

In a way, it's still realllllly weird. I'm not used to it. But please pray for her.

Must get back to school work now. =[ TWO MORE DAYS, then a 10 day break -- so they say. It's actually 10 days to give you as much work as they possibaly can..

To die or not to die..

Capital Punishment. The Death Penalty.

Sigh. Ugh. Groan. Grrr. Okay, shall we move on...

Note: Some statements that are made could/will make you mad. It doesn't mean I believe everything I type... Just trying to throw both "sides" out there. 

One of the girls in my Communications class did a speech on capital punishment, pro death penalty. I listened to it, not fully agreeing, and then realizing I never reallllly thought about it like that before.

So -- for or against it? I'm not really sure.

Do we really have the right to make that choice in the first place? 

Florida is among the 38 states that believe capital punishment is the just punishment for a murderer. Our state is out there killing someone that killed someone else. How does that make sense? What message does that send:

We are murderers ourselves? 

Or we are protecting society, just incase they escape or get parole? 

Or we are saving money by not locking them up for the rest of their lives? 

More times than not, I am sure that the family of the loved one who was murdered doesn't feel any better when the murderer is executed. Who would really? Just because the murderer is now dead doesn't bring your loved one back. It doesn't change the hurt and the pain you've experienced. It's still going to be there, only now another family is going through what you went through, due to the death penalty. Yes, I know murdering someone is wrong and that person should be punished -- BUT -- killing in response? What about the eighth amendment? Cruel and unusual punishment...

But eye for an eye right.. it'll make criminals now think twice about committing a capital crime. We need to get justice. How can it be considered a "life-sentence behind bars" if the victim didn't even get to live out his/her own life. To serve justice, the person that ended the life of another person should have to pay with their own life in return. 

On the other hand, the death penalty is irreversible. Once it's done, it is done. Since DNA testing, numerous "murderers" were freed. They were NOT the murderers. They could have been killed for someone else's crime. How is that just? It denies an individual any chance of benefitting from new and improved technology that may provide evidence to later prove their innocence. 

So, where is the line drawn? Should we even have a say in killing someone? Or do we protect society? Our minds should be made up before it could happen to us or someone we know. We can't make decisions based on every situation or feeling or emotion.

"Are victims' family members really healed by the death penalty, or are they re-victimized by a criminal justice system that exploits their pain to keep voters happy and makes promises it cannot keep?" (About.com)

Seventy Days

Okay, I am horrible at updating. I realize this. No excuses.

School --

I love it! Although I am ready for Thanksgiving break! It is hard going to public school all your life then attending a Christian college, but I wouldn't change it for the world. All my classes are challenging, but hopefully I will be able to pull of good grades this semester. I already have my classes picked out for Spring semester and I am looking forward to it. 

Poppy --

My Poppy had surgery on his Aorta on 10th of October. He was finally released from the hospital yesterday, but still not fully recovered. He is not the same as when he went in. He can't barely breathe or do anything on his own. I was excited when they let him go home because I figured he would finally get better. Well, today he was rushed back to St. Anthony's because he stopped breathing. My Grama called my mom while we were all getting our hair done and said she almost lost him. I've never seen my mom that sad before. Needless to say, he his back in the hospital doing more tests. Please pray that if it is God's will he will get better fast. My Grama is a mess and it's put a strain on my parents -- missing so much work and paying for a lot of this. I just want my Poppy back the way he's supposed to be. =[ Bah.

China --

Over the summer I am taking a mission trip with my school over to China! I am super excited. It will be for 3 weeks, and serving in many different ways. We are working with some university students in teaching them about Christ and each one of us will lead our own bible study! Awesome. Also, we are helping out in a TON of different ways. I cannot wait to go over there. Mission work is my passion. My "heart beat" so to say. =D Only thing I am a little worried about is the expenses. 2,500$. Ah! But God will provide... 

Spiritualness --

My fantastical mind has been pondering somethings recently:

*Spiritual warfare. 

*Heaven.

*Also, can people of other religions be saved? Such as some Catholics.. Are there saved Catholics that will go to heaven, but they just practice Catholicism... or what? What about other religions. 

I love thinking outside the box.

P.S. I got my second holes done today! And my hair as well! Yay

Maybe it won't take me another 70 days to post..

OT Survey

Sorry about taking over a month off of blogging.
I've been busy. I know, I know, no excuses.

But I love college =] for the most part. I may have my days where I complain and have to switch my bracelet a LOT, but overall it is amazing. Never before have teachers gotten to know you so well, and pray with you, and genuinely care. And the students here don't just become friends, they start to become family. I love it. Love it. =]

Old Testament Survey is my favorite class so far. It is one of the hardest, but it's so cool to learn about the bible. I don't enjoy the lecture part too much yet (maybe cause I am not used to it), but the reading is amazing. It makes think so much.

Lets start with the various views on origins.
-->Evolution. Being a Christian, we must reject this theory, but it simply states that everything started with single-celled organisms. New species have developed over billions of years. Basically God isn't needed in this theory.
-->Theistic Evolution. Brings together the basic components of the theory of evolution with the Creator. Believes that God created life, but used the process of evolution to bring the world as we see it today. Example: Adam's body was an animal that God placed an eternal soul into. Yeah, not going for this view either, unacceptable.
-->Creationism. God created the heavens and the earth out of nothing. No evolutionary process was used. What I believe =]

Okay so here is where I'd love some feedback. Within creationism, there are several viewpoints.
*The Day-Age View. Also known as the Geologic Day View. Generally holds that the days of creation in Genesis 1 were not literally 24 hours days, but long periods of time. Meaning the earth is old.
*The Ruin-Reconstruction View. Gap Theory. There is a large gap between original creation and re-creation. This view believes God created a heaven and earth that were perfect until Satan, sin, entered the universe. God destroyed the original earth leaving it "wasted and void". Time passed and God re-created the heavens and the earth. This view believes the days of Genesis 1 were literal 24 hours days, but of the re-creation, not the original creation.
*The Literal Day View. The days of Genesis 1 were literal 24 hour days of the original creation. This view believes in a young earth, not millions or billions of years old.

Here's the dilemma.
We have carbon dating that proves how old things are. How come it would date back to years where the earth didn't exist. Flaws in carbon dating?

For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy
Exodus 20:11

It will be a sign between me and the Israelites forever, for in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day he abstained from work and rested.
Exodus 31:17

So... tell me what you think!!!!

Taking a mulligan.

Mulligan. Do over. Another shot.

Good thing God gives those out unconditionally. No matter how far apart we've grown from Him, how side-tracked our lives are, basically how selfish and up lifting of ourselves we are - God is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS waiting for our focus to get back on track, to be focused on Him. Even when we are kicking and screaming and fighting Him away, He'll drag us back to where HE wants us to be. Because it's not about me, even though I like to make it that way. Hence, last nights blog... I made it about me.

Let me tell you, I make a crappy god. Others can tell you that too. I bring myself down, to the point of depression. Well, I am tired of being there. Last night I still wasn't letting go. I hold on to things. That gets me going in circles. Vicious circles. (Not like Dane Cook.) I'm tired of holding on to the past and trying to create what I think my walk should look like. 

So here I am. Giving God the keys to my life, yet again, and letting Him drive. Letting go. Of everything. I'm done with it. Done with the past. I know there is still consequences for the choices I've made, but I'm not going to hold on to what I've done. I cannot change that. Sometimes it comes to the point of feeling like you are going to give up to actually give up. Giving everything to God. Not be selective about what you "give", but just giving it all. Because I can't do this on my own.

I'm going to stop worrying so much about what I'm getting out of life, and start giving to others. Lost people need to be found, and found people need to grow. Two of my favorite (serious) quotes from camp. And also -- The truth doesn't require your approval for it to be the truth. So make that three of my favorite quotes. I know the feeling I had on the way home from Philly is what I want/need to be feeling. Serving others.

I apologize for my recent actions and my blog last night. Mulligan?

P.S. Hold Fast - MercyMe. Good song.

When everything else is gone.

When you get a chance, look up the lyrics to Dig by Incubus. Then you'll understand the title of this blog.

I know everything else isn't "gone", but sometimes it feels that way. Sure, I have the best friends anyone could really ask for, that are always by my side (the true ones) but when I am by myself, it's another story. I say you don't understand, but you probably do.

Regret. I have always said how I live life without regrets. Hello self-centered world. If I were to truly live without regret, it means I would live without repentance too. I regret, meaning if I could go back and change something, I would. But I still think everything happens for a reason and we can learn and move on from anything and everything. I regret a lot of things from my past though, and I'm sure before I die I'll regret more - but I'm going to try to not focus on those things. Pshhh, yeah. Right. =[

Music. Lately I've been going through iTunes listening to a bunch of music. I've missed it =[ Especially Brand New. I pretty much love all of their songs, but Seventy Times Seven is amazing. Because it's so true. Also been going through some old CD's too. Ones that had meaning, and still do, actually. Oh well. 

Mashed potatoes. That's been my brain for the past little bit. I don't know how to explain it. I'll be so tired, like I am right now -- but my mind won't turn off. I've lost the off switch or something. I hate being so tired. And this college thing... I don't know. I feel like I am having second thoughts about everything right now. Sure you'll say that I need CCC - but really? Really? I'm not so sure anymore. Then again, I don't know what I am sure of. I know I wanna get out of this rut so to speak. And I need help, I've got help.. but am I just pushing you away? Giving you reasons to throw in your towel and quit, or give up? I seem to have become a master mind at pushing people away.

Hmmm. Guess I'll quit my pity party now. Don't want pity though, just expressing myself. =]

How do you feel about regrets? Music? Mashed potatoes?

Comment if you'd like. I'd like it.