Randomness

Pocket full of change.

2009-08-10T12:15:00.002-04:00

Change. I like it, for the most part. It keeps you on your toes. And from getting too comfortable. What's changed, you might ask? Well..

We moved from Seminole to Safety Harbor
I changed my mind on what I was doing for school about 203859059 times
I changed my blog
The Gawlowicz's, my family, moved to Auburndale or Winter Haven, whatever it is called. =]
We are watching Libby for 10ish days. Ahhh.
Most of my friends have moved into apartments, farther away.. =[
And the most important change, I have switched churches, and now attend RidgePoint. I love it there. I am challenged in a totally different way. Check out the podcasts.

And even though this summer has had its ups and downs, I wouldn't change any of it. So thank you to everyone who has been part of the change.

Grilled PB&J

2009-07-31T15:54:00.004-04:00

Hi. My new summer goal is to learn how to play the guitar. In less than a month. I already know how to tune my guitar, so I am heading in the right direction. Yay.

It's been a good couple months (and by couple months I mean half a year) since I updated.. so let me fill you in..
January = Winter Retreat 09. Michael Gentes's dad passed away.
February = Sennit passed away. My grandpa passed away.
March = Grandma passed away. I turned 19.
April = GTD Retreat. Started dating Ben <3
May = First year of college donedonedone!!!! Sophomore now!

Summer has been quite the summer. I got a tattoo! Started working out. I chopped my hair off and dyed it dark brown. I stopped working out. Went to StudentLife 09 and was a leader =]. Moved to Safety Harbor. VBS week at church. I cut my hair again, got some highlights too. VBS at the Ridge Center. Ah!!! Put some random pink streaks in my hair. Started working out again. Made spaghetti. Made grilled PB&J!!!! Last Sunday morning at FSCC. Last Alive (Maybe?). Last Pipeline (Maybe?). Excited for this Sunday. =]

And in less than a month I start my second year of college. Should I stay or should I go now...?

Christmas Break.

2009-01-12T10:30:00.003-05:00

A full month off from school was definitely needed. I think this is the most I have enjoyed any break. The first two weeks I was at home, hanging out with friends and working. Christmas Eve rolled around and Jason Purvis, Alyson, and I met up to go out and feed some of the homeless in downtown St. Pete. I wish I knew how to link a blog, but check out Jason's to get a glimpse at the night. I can honestly say that was the BEST part about break. I look forward to doing that monthly -- even twice a month. I am pretty sure the next time we plan on going out is Friday the 16th, later on in the evening.. around 9? Anyone is invited to join. =]

On the 26th I flew out to PA for twelve days!!! I got to see snow, TWICE! It was a great time to relax with people I am really close to. Basically family. 19 people in one house -- awesome. Watching a pickle drop on New Years. Going in the hot tub with Laura and Lisa in 20 degree weather. I made so many memories on this trip I will never forget! Sadly on the 7th, Laura and her mom took me to the airport. I wasn't ready to go back, but my toes were frozen.. so I needed to! Cristina picked me up from the airport, with a surprise in the bathroom. KAELI! =D I don't think I have ever been that excited to see someone =D

Now I am packing up and moving back in to Unit L. Hopefully this semester goes a LOT better than last semester. I already know it's starting out better...

Keep Sennit, my Poppy, and my grandmother in your prayers. Sennit is in Texas starting a new treatment for his cancer tomorrow. My Poppy is recovering from his second surgery on the 31st, contemplating what to do next for his heart. And my dad's mom is having physical and mental problems, forcing her to be kept in the hospital with no diagnosis as of yet. So please pray for them.

Spring Semester 09 starts now. Remembering G^3.

I'll try to blog more during the semester too =]

To fail, or not to fail?

2008-11-25T12:58:00.003-05:00

Thanksgiving Break.

Break - [intrans.] stop proceedings in order to have a pause or vacation.

One of the many definition for break, and obviously the teachers never understood what it meant! I have so much homework -- online tests, quizzes, papers, projects, speeches -- that this should not be considered a break! Although I didn't get out of bed til one today.. So it is somewhat a break.

I have had a bunch of chill time since I am not all stressed out about school. I know I should be working on homework, but I am a professional procrastinator. In my millions of hours of sitting on my bed staring at the walls, I have been reading a LOT! One of the books is by Mark Driscoll, and the other is like a devotional book one of my unit mates let me borrow. Awesome!

One of the devotions is titled Failure and God. If you don't know what my biggest fear is -- it's failure. When I came across this devo, I skipped it and when on to the next one. I tried to read the next one but my fantastical mind couldn't stop thinking about the failure one! Ugh. Dumb mind. So I figured I would go back and read it... Good choice. The first line is, "Failure does not mean God has abandoned you; it does mean God has a better way."

WHATTTTT?!?! Crazy! I don't think I have ever really thought of failure like that before. It is kinda comforting, if you know what I mean. God redirects our steps to get us to His goals He has set for us and His plan.. so our "failure" is because we are not getting what we want done or what we want.. but really that doesn't matter anyways. I don't know if this even makes sense, but I know what I mean, and it's really awesome.

Of course I don't want to fail. I hate that. But now I am seeing it in a different light. Instead of my biggest fear being failure -- it should be not following God's will, and losing sight of it. If our faith is genuine, there is no need to fear failure in my opinion. Even if it seems we have failed, it's important to do what is right.. not for ourselves, but for God

2 Corinthians 13:5

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you -- unless, of course, you fail the test?

When it's cold outside, I've got the month of November...

2008-11-19T14:29:00.003-05:00

Maybe not quite how the lyrics go, but close.
Time for a quick I-don't-want-to-do-homework-right-now break.

I didn't want to get out of bed today because it was so cold. Or maybe the fact that I went to bed around 3:30 am and my alarm was waking me up at 7:30 am. Either way, I did not want to get up. At 8, I failed my bible test. At 9, I was late for chapel. At 10, I was dazed and confused during English. At 11, it was my third time being asked if everything was okay.. I guess it's apparent I am crazyyyy tired. Pressing on..

Happy White Glove Eve. This is the craziest week EVER. Tonight and Thursday show no signs of slowing down, but speeding up. Ahhh...

Dear God, since this is Florida -- can you please turn the HEAT back on? Please..?!?

Last night at Alive I was really thinking about what I am thankful for. I know it seems so cliche, but Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. =D

I am really thankful for everyone that has pushed me to where I am today. I wouldn't be going to Clearwater if I didn't have everyone's support, so thank you. I'm thankful for Beth and JJ being huge influences in my life. Basically, they are my parents. I love them. They are awesome.

Also, I am thankful for my mom. Crazy huh? I know, you never expected me to be typing this. Ever since I moved into CCC we have gotten along great. Whenever I go home we have really cool talks. She is opening up a lot and I love it. My Poppy was in the hospital and God used this event to make my mom realize things. I know she claims to be Catholic, but whatever she thinks she is, she has definately fallen away from God. She doesn't believe that faith and good works get you to heaven, but faith alone. This makes me believe that there are some saved Catholics, it just varies from person to person. I know there are some doctrinal differences, but everyone's view and opinion is different. Anyways, point of the story is -- I am thankful for my mom. She's changing. And it's awesome to see that. It's in the little things.. like texting me and saying she is blessed to have me as her daughter. And emails. Yeah.

In a way, it's still realllllly weird. I'm not used to it. But please pray for her.

Must get back to school work now. =[ TWO MORE DAYS, then a 10 day break -- so they say. It's actually 10 days to give you as much work as they possibaly can..

To die or not to die..

2008-11-15T10:28:00.002-05:00

Capital Punishment. The Death Penalty.

Sigh. Ugh. Groan. Grrr. Okay, shall we move on...

Note: Some statements that are made could/will make you mad. It doesn't mean I believe everything I type... Just trying to throw both "sides" out there.

One of the girls in my Communications class did a speech on capital punishment, pro death penalty. I listened to it, not fully agreeing, and then realizing I never reallllly thought about it like that before.

So -- for or against it? I'm not really sure.

Do we really have the right to make that choice in the first place?

Florida is among the 38 states that believe capital punishment is the just punishment for a murderer. Our state is out there killing someone that killed someone else. How does that make sense? What message does that send:

We are murderers ourselves?

Or we are protecting society, just incase they escape or get parole?

Or we are saving money by not locking them up for the rest of their lives?

More times than not, I am sure that the family of the loved one who was murdered doesn't feel any better when the murderer is executed. Who would really? Just because the murderer is now dead doesn't bring your loved one back. It doesn't change the hurt and the pain you've experienced. It's still going to be there, only now another family is going through what you went through, due to the death penalty. Yes, I know murdering someone is wrong and that person should be punished -- BUT -- killing in response? What about the eighth amendment? Cruel and unusual punishment...

But eye for an eye right.. it'll make criminals now think twice about committing a capital crime. We need to get justice. How can it be considered a "life-sentence behind bars" if the victim didn't even get to live out his/her own life. To serve justice, the person that ended the life of another person should have to pay with their own life in return.

On the other hand, the death penalty is irreversible. Once it's done, it is done. Since DNA testing, numerous "murderers" were freed. They were NOT the murderers. They could have been killed for someone else's crime. How is that just? It denies an individual any chance of benefitting from new and improved technology that may provide evidence to later prove their innocence.

So, where is the line drawn? Should we even have a say in killing someone? Or do we protect society? Our minds should be made up before it could happen to us or someone we know. We can't make decisions based on every situation or feeling or emotion.

"Are victims' family members really healed by the death penalty, or are they re-victimized by a criminal justice system that exploits their pain to keep voters happy and makes promises it cannot keep?" (About.com)

Seventy Days

2008-11-11T14:49:00.003-05:00

Okay, I am horrible at updating. I realize this. No excuses.

School --

I love it! Although I am ready for Thanksgiving break! It is hard going to public school all your life then attending a Christian college, but I wouldn't change it for the world. All my classes are challenging, but hopefully I will be able to pull of good grades this semester. I already have my classes picked out for Spring semester and I am looking forward to it.

Poppy --

My Poppy had surgery on his Aorta on 10th of October. He was finally released from the hospital yesterday, but still not fully recovered. He is not the same as when he went in. He can't barely breathe or do anything on his own. I was excited when they let him go home because I figured he would finally get better. Well, today he was rushed back to St. Anthony's because he stopped breathing. My Grama called my mom while we were all getting our hair done and said she almost lost him. I've never seen my mom that sad before. Needless to say, he his back in the hospital doing more tests. Please pray that if it is God's will he will get better fast. My Grama is a mess and it's put a strain on my parents -- missing so much work and paying for a lot of this. I just want my Poppy back the way he's supposed to be. =[ Bah.

China --

Over the summer I am taking a mission trip with my school over to China! I am super excited. It will be for 3 weeks, and serving in many different ways. We are working with some university students in teaching them about Christ and each one of us will lead our own bible study! Awesome. Also, we are helping out in a TON of different ways. I cannot wait to go over there. Mission work is my passion. My "heart beat" so to say. =D Only thing I am a little worried about is the expenses. 2,500$. Ah! But God will provide...

Spiritualness --

My fantastical mind has been pondering somethings recently:

*Spiritual warfare.

*Heaven.

*Also, can people of other religions be saved? Such as some Catholics.. Are there saved Catholics that will go to heaven, but they just practice Catholicism... or what? What about other religions.

I love thinking outside the box.

P.S. I got my second holes done today! And my hair as well! Yay

Maybe it won't take me another 70 days to post..

OT Survey

2008-09-01T12:46:00.004-04:00

Sorry about taking over a month off of blogging.
I've been busy. I know, I know, no excuses.

But I love college =] for the most part. I may have my days where I complain and have to switch my bracelet a LOT, but overall it is amazing. Never before have teachers gotten to know you so well, and pray with you, and genuinely care. And the students here don't just become friends, they start to become family. I love it. Love it. =]

Old Testament Survey is my favorite class so far. It is one of the hardest, but it's so cool to learn about the bible. I don't enjoy the lecture part too much yet (maybe cause I am not used to it), but the reading is amazing. It makes think so much.

Lets start with the various views on origins.
-->Evolution. Being a Christian, we must reject this theory, but it simply states that everything started with single-celled organisms. New species have developed over billions of years. Basically God isn't needed in this theory.
-->Theistic Evolution. Brings together the basic components of the theory of evolution with the Creator. Believes that God created life, but used the process of evolution to bring the world as we see it today. Example: Adam's body was an animal that God placed an eternal soul into. Yeah, not going for this view either, unacceptable.
-->Creationism. God created the heavens and the earth out of nothing. No evolutionary process was used. What I believe =]

Okay so here is where I'd love some feedback. Within creationism, there are several viewpoints.
*The Day-Age View. Also known as the Geologic Day View. Generally holds that the days of creation in Genesis 1 were not literally 24 hours days, but long periods of time. Meaning the earth is old.
*The Ruin-Reconstruction View. Gap Theory. There is a large gap between original creation and re-creation. This view believes God created a heaven and earth that were perfect until Satan, sin, entered the universe. God destroyed the original earth leaving it "wasted and void". Time passed and God re-created the heavens and the earth. This view believes the days of Genesis 1 were literal 24 hours days, but of the re-creation, not the original creation.
*The Literal Day View. The days of Genesis 1 were literal 24 hour days of the original creation. This view believes in a young earth, not millions or billions of years old.

Here's the dilemma.
We have carbon dating that proves how old things are. How come it would date back to years where the earth didn't exist. Flaws in carbon dating?

For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy
Exodus 20:11

It will be a sign between me and the Israelites forever, for in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day he abstained from work and rested.
Exodus 31:17

So... tell me what you think!!!!

Taking a mulligan.

2008-07-24T10:23:00.003-04:00

Mulligan. Do over. Another shot.

Good thing God gives those out unconditionally. No matter how far apart we've grown from Him, how side-tracked our lives are, basically how selfish and up lifting of ourselves we are - God is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS waiting for our focus to get back on track, to be focused on Him. Even when we are kicking and screaming and fighting Him away, He'll drag us back to where HE wants us to be. Because it's not about me, even though I like to make it that way. Hence, last nights blog... I made it about me.

Let me tell you, I make a crappy god. Others can tell you that too. I bring myself down, to the point of depression. Well, I am tired of being there. Last night I still wasn't letting go. I hold on to things. That gets me going in circles. Vicious circles. (Not like Dane Cook.) I'm tired of holding on to the past and trying to create what I think my walk should look like.

So here I am. Giving God the keys to my life, yet again, and letting Him drive. Letting go. Of everything. I'm done with it. Done with the past. I know there is still consequences for the choices I've made, but I'm not going to hold on to what I've done. I cannot change that. Sometimes it comes to the point of feeling like you are going to give up to actually give up. Giving everything to God. Not be selective about what you "give", but just giving it all. Because I can't do this on my own.

I'm going to stop worrying so much about what I'm getting out of life, and start giving to others. Lost people need to be found, and found people need to grow. Two of my favorite (serious) quotes from camp. And also -- The truth doesn't require your approval for it to be the truth. So make that three of my favorite quotes. I know the feeling I had on the way home from Philly is what I want/need to be feeling. Serving others.

I apologize for my recent actions and my blog last night. Mulligan?

P.S. Hold Fast - MercyMe. Good song.

When everything else is gone.

2008-07-23T23:46:00.003-04:00

When you get a chance, look up the lyrics to Dig by Incubus. Then you'll understand the title of this blog.

I know everything else isn't "gone", but sometimes it feels that way. Sure, I have the best friends anyone could really ask for, that are always by my side (the true ones) but when I am by myself, it's another story. I say you don't understand, but you probably do.

Regret. I have always said how I live life without regrets. Hello self-centered world. If I were to truly live without regret, it means I would live without repentance too. I regret, meaning if I could go back and change something, I would. But I still think everything happens for a reason and we can learn and move on from anything and everything. I regret a lot of things from my past though, and I'm sure before I die I'll regret more - but I'm going to try to not focus on those things. Pshhh, yeah. Right. =[

Music. Lately I've been going through iTunes listening to a bunch of music. I've missed it =[ Especially Brand New. I pretty much love all of their songs, but Seventy Times Seven is amazing. Because it's so true. Also been going through some old CD's too. Ones that had meaning, and still do, actually. Oh well.

Mashed potatoes. That's been my brain for the past little bit. I don't know how to explain it. I'll be so tired, like I am right now -- but my mind won't turn off. I've lost the off switch or something. I hate being so tired. And this college thing... I don't know. I feel like I am having second thoughts about everything right now. Sure you'll say that I need CCC - but really? Really? I'm not so sure anymore. Then again, I don't know what I am sure of. I know I wanna get out of this rut so to speak. And I need help, I've got help.. but am I just pushing you away? Giving you reasons to throw in your towel and quit, or give up? I seem to have become a master mind at pushing people away.

Hmmm. Guess I'll quit my pity party now. Don't want pity though, just expressing myself. =]

How do you feel about regrets? Music? Mashed potatoes?

Comment if you'd like. I'd like it.

I did it!

2008-06-06T11:28:00.003-04:00

I graduated.

As of 10:19am on June 4th, 2008.

I'm now part of the Osceola High School Alumni!

I don't feel any different.

Partyyy was amazingly fun though!

(Thanks to all that came!)

College starts in 2 1/2 months.

Time for the "real world".

Or so they say...

It still hasn't hit me.

&& I still need thousands of dollars to appear. ;]

Sleeping Beauty

2008-05-18T01:34:00.003-04:00

I wish I could sleep right now. My mind is racing, and won't slow down for anything.

Tonight was the last high school musical for me, and for a lot of us. It was sad watching it from the audience and not performing. That was somewhat my choice though. And the fact that I must work in order to live, but that's another story. I miss performing. Being on stage. The week of the show jitters. The first night worries. The last night joys. Being around all the drama kids. The drama geeks. The kids that have greatly impacted my life. Some of my closest friends.

Tonight was bittersweet. More of that is to come I suppose. There are NINE school days until graduation. 9 days. Thirteen years of schooling leading up to this one day. Crazy. Then college. I know I want to perform on the stage in college, but is that too far fetched? You might think it's corny, but theatre is one of my passions. I cannot leave it at the high school. Maybe I'll have to. I just don't know.

I think that is one of the most scary things about life. Not knowing. It is all in God's hands though. I feel like I am trying to follow His path for me with a blindfold on. I just don't know what is next. but no one really does. BUT, I know whatever it is, it's for His honor and glory. Always. That's my goal. And that, is the greatest comfort of all right now.

Embrace it.

Hopefully I will have an easier time getting to sleep now that my thoughts are out there.

(Brain, turn off.. Please!)

P.S. Comment!

Heal Heels

2008-05-12T21:20:00.004-04:00

October 14, 2007.

What were you doing that day? That afternoon? Do you remember? How about that night? Say, 2 a.m.?

Some of you were with me at the Aquatic Center. (I think that is what it's called?) Anyways, that is the day I decided I wanted to hurt my heels. Bad. Reallllly bad. Worse than anything I have ever done before. I wanted to go to the hospital it would be so bad. And I had a plan. I wanted to go down the big scary slide. Twice. The first time, I wanted everything to go normal, like all the other kids. The second time I wanted a BIG splash. I mean bigger than JJ splash (sorry JJ =])!!!

When I got towards the bottom of the slide I was gunna pick my feet up so I would glide across the water. Only that didn't happen. Since I was set out to hurt my heels, I slammed my feet down on the bottom of the pool. Ouch! That slide/pool/bottom of the pool left behind a legacy. It basically said, "You remember me forever!" And then it smashed my heels. (Thank you Dane Cook!)

Moral of the story: I will remember this for the rest of my life.

Maybe I am exaggerating a little (lot) bit, but almost seven months later and I am still experiencing the pain. Today it is worse than others. I guess it didn't help that I basically stopped using crutches a month after it happen, when I was told to use them 3 - 6 months. Walking around on my tip-toes only lasted for so long. And I don't like taking medicine. There's no one to blame but me, yet I still complain. But OUCH!

Let there be a lesson learned. Quite a few actually. Let's start off with #1 - Lift your feet at the bottom of water slides. # 2 - Listen to doctors. # 3 - Humble yourself, and let others help you when they offer it. # 4 - __________ (fill in the blank!)

As a side note:

I downloaded a not-so-new song today and have listened to it a bunch of times. It is Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle. Beth's blog made me think of it. (She's in my roll o blogs!) I really thought about the lyrics. Some that stood out to me, (basically the whole song but,)....

To the cross I look.

To the cross I cling.

God is love.

God is just.

At the cross You beckon me. You draw me gently to my knees, and I am lost for words, so lost

in love, I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Wow. I really love songs like that, no matter how cliche you think they are. It really made me think.. about even just seeing a cross. Or even just wearing one around your neck. It's so much more that. It's about clinging to the cross. Clinging on to Him. Being so crazy lost in love that you have no idea what so say, or what to do. Not this "feeling" of love, but the action. What God did for us is love, but how do we love back? Some of us never do.

I like posting about randomness! I wanna know your thoughts, yes you, because other people always have an awesome way of conveying what I am thinking! Yay! So commentttt.

2 Peter 3!

2008-05-11T19:12:00.006-04:00

2 Peter 3

Go read that. Now.

Randomly, I turned to that page in my bible. I know we have talked about that chapter recently, but it's amazing. Okay, the whole bible is amazing.. but still! I know all of you know this stuff I am blogging on already.. but I like typing my thoughts out. =]

Verse 8 -- My fantastical mind is still boggled at the fact that 2,000 years in only TWO DAYS to the Lord. Did you catch that? TWO DAYS!!!! That's like from today to Tuesday. Monday to Wednesday. I still cannot wrap my mind around that.

Verse 9 -- But God is being patient with you. God is being patient with me? Are you kidding me? (Slap in the face.) I am one of the most impatient people in the world, and I think we all can be at some point in time, but God still is patient with us. Sigh of relief! Good thing. =D

Verse 6 -- I like reading backwards. Anyways, I thought of Sunday School! Yay, I was paying attention! Noah built an arkie-arkie. And the animals went in by twosies-twosies. (Thank you Beth and Kaeli!)

Verse 17 -- I always like to think, "Oh, this won't happen to me," about everything. As many times as I've read this lately (Be careful so you will not fall from your strong faith.), I realize that it can happen to me. It will. And it does.

Looking back, which I try not to do very often, I can think of kids in the youth group when I first started going to FSCC that this has happened to, this falling away. I'm not judging anyone, so please don't take it that way. Some of them used to be close friends. I'm not saying that we (or I) have given up on them, but I see it happening to them. I can see myself very easily going down that same path. I know I do go down that same path. That happens to be "my path", to build up "my own kingdom', not God's. (Another slap in the face.)

I know that if it weren't for this close family of people I met a year and a halfish ago, I would still be going down my path. I wouldn't have people there to call me out when they notice I am more worried about my path rather than the Lord's. I am so thankful they are always there for me.

I am also thankful God is so patient. I know He never promised His path would be easy, and I think I like the challenge (in the long run at least.) Life would be dull if it was made out to be easy.

Verse 18 -- Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the Glory. Note to self: Notice that doesn't say to Kaydee or Allah, or Budda, or anyone (or anything) else. And that it says grow in the grace and knowledge. We can continually grow, and shouldn't stop. I know I have thought I can put my "growing" on pause, and we shouldn't. I also know I have never experience as much growing as I did on Monday night on the missions trip, and I thought I could easily keep that fervor. You know as well as I do that it's not easy, so I don't know why I was crazy enough to think that.

Not so random of a thought: I am called into missions. I am not sure what that means exactly, but that's my calling. Monday night on the missions trip I realized this: Missions = Fervor.

I know this blog is random with a ton of random thoughts, but it gives you a lot to comment on! =]

So do itttt.

God Speaking?

2008-04-29T21:50:00.003-04:00

Lately Psalm 23 has been on my mind. The whole book really, but particularly the 23rd chapter. I really have no clue why, but it wouldn't be just for any old reason. As I was reading through it tonight before I went to bed, I noticed something...

Even though I walk

       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

And then I realized it.. wait for it, wait for it.. Hey, that's in a song! (Yes, you probably think I am blonde, but whateverrr.) After playing through the song in my head I figured out it was Matt Redman's You Never Let Go.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Wow. That song reminds me of things I need to constantly remember. "There will be an end to these troubles but until that day come, still I will praise You." Ouch. I need to remember all of that, especially the last part. And the fact that He never lets go. Even when we think we let go, or we do. Sometimes, I feel like I am being dragged back by God to where he wants me, and He never gives up -- through all the fighting and kicking back. It reminds me of John 10:28-30..

28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. 29My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. 30I and the Father are one."

He will never let go. && no one can pluck us away.

Everyone probably already knows this, but maybe this point is one reason why I keep going back to Psalm 23.

(Or maybe because The Number 23) =D

Thought.. Comment.. Thanks

Blabbering.

2008-04-28T23:04:00.004-04:00

Insight into my life: Stressed out.

It's pretty crazy right now. I am running off of little to no sleep, and that definitely isn't helping. This past week is hella crazyyyy.

Saturday night was grad bash and didn't get home until 4:15 A.M.

Woke up for church on Sunday at 8:30 A.M. Ouch. Then I reallllly wanted to go to the beach, so I abducted Alyson and Brent for a couple of hours. After the beach I had to start on this psychology paper that took foreverrr. And a day..

I woke up late this morning and still hadn't completed my paper. I needed to do my reference page. APA style. Ahh, not cool man. After showing up late to class everyday, Mr. Fifteen Minutes pretty much hates me, but still took my paper because I had a note. Whatever. Blah. Then on to Drama class. Pretty much don't care about that class anymore. I got in trouble for eating my poptart in class. A poptart. My poptart. So I walked outside and finished eating it. =] What can I say?? I was hungry and I sure wasn't going to throw it away. Now to InDesign. Pretty much slacked off in there too. School is becoming harder and harder to go to, and hard and hard to care about.

Then I am home for a few hours. I did 2 loads of Brent's and my laundry (which still needs to be folded) and squeezed in an hour nap. I finally got up at 3 to shower to be to work at 4. When I got out of the shower at 3:15, I had a bajillion missed calls, and voicemails, along with a zillion more texts. Wellllll maybe not thaaaaaaaaat many, but you get the picture. Work changed the schedule for me to come in at 3, instead of 4 and didn't tell me. Thanks a lot work. I finally get there and get remarks about how I'm late, which isn't my fault... but I won't even get started on that. So I start off my work day in a pretty crappy mood. It got better for a little while, then people have to get all immature and bent outta shape about a little "incident" and flip out. YAY! Whateverrrr, I know that he still really does care by the way he was acting. But, I'll just add work to the list of IDC =D

Now I am finally home and need to be getting some rest. It's my goal not to be late tomorrow, but you know how I am. The whole rest of this week is hella busy and more stressful. Joys, I can't wait. Thanks for putting up with my random blog of nothing entertaining, just complaints about dumbbbb things. Blah. You could still comment! =D Actually, I reallly want you to comment because I have no idea what you'd say to all this.

P.S. May 1st is college decision day. All paperwork is due then. That means I still need to get a physical. And fill out the paperwork.

P.P.S. Plussss attend all of the musical rehearsals. And church. And work =[ I just want to be graduated already...

Lessons Learned

2008-04-24T16:30:00.003-04:00

Regret.

Somehow I always end up picking controversial topics to blog on. =]

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason."

I found this quote somewhere a little while ago and I definitely agree with it. I live my life without regrets. That doesn't mean I don't repent, or feel badly for the things I've done, but everything happens for a reason. These events, that some people might regret, have shaped who I am today. I have learned, or I am in the process of learning, from mistakes I have made. There are no regrets in life, just lessons. My life is far from perfect, but at least I can go to sleep every night knowing I live without regrets. At one point in time, everything I have done was exactly what I wanted, right or wrong.

Let me know your thoughts on this. =]

Those were the days.

2008-04-16T14:04:00.003-04:00

Whenever I have time to take a nice, long nap, my fansatical mind decides to not shut off. Thanks a lot mind! While I was counting sheep, or dancing chickens (that was for you, Beth!) I started thinking and thinking and thinking. In less than five months, everything will change. I mean everything. Things change all the time, but I always knew going into my next year of school I would have my friends. But what about now....

It's not that I think I'll be friendless, or lose touch with everyone, because I won't. But -- I'm afraid of this change. College. Moving (even though I am not going that far.. others are). The future.

Honestly, I thought I would never make it to this point. Some of you might know where I am coming from, but I thought I would never even have to worry about this. I was at my brother's graduation and never thought in two years, I'd be exactly where he was. A sense of accomplishment, yet fear. Bittersweet.

I know there are still seven weeks of school left, plus all of summer. But what about after that. Most of my learning and growing have happened during the past 4 years with my more-than-words-can-convey-amazing friends. There are so many memories. I never want to lose those. I never want to lose them. I know some of us will slowly drift away, that always happens. I don't want it to though! I am sad just sitting here and thinking about it. Every day that passes, it hits me harder and harder in the face.

It's crazy to think how much has changed in four years, and why I am so scared for this change?All of us are going to different colleges. Why can't we pick them up and merge them all together? I guess that'd be too easy.

And what about youth group. I say we extend the age limit. I know we can't, but pleeeeease? On Thursday night in Philly this whole sense of change finally hit me. This was the last trip for all of us to be together. There still is camp, but that's not the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm not downing camp.. but it's different. All the talks, the memories.. just become a grain of sand in the past.

I love my friends. Some have become family. I thank God that He put them in my life. To hold me accountable. To laugh with. Cry with. Do stupid things with. I have learned so much from them. I'm grateful they never gave up on me. They are truly some of the most amazing people I have met.

I look forward to the future and what God has in store for me, but I'm still worried. Sad. Confused. Excited. Nervous. Thankful. Most of all, joyful.

"Give all your worries to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will never let good people down." Psalm 55:22

Let's play catch up!

2008-04-15T20:24:00.004-04:00

Well, hello there. Let's catch up.

The week in Philly was unbelievable. And that is an under-statement. If I were to go into every detail of it, it'd take me a week. It's sad to think that it was one of the last major trips with everyone on that trip. I am humbled I was able to go and share the life changing experiences with everyone that went. =] To find out more, check out JJ's blog.

Moving on...

After our "Spring Break", that wasn't a break, we returned to dreaded school. Right now there are something like 32 days of school left! I don't know about everyone else, but I have had this "Senioritis" since freshman year. There is no cure. Anyways.. I started the last quarter of school with Psychology as first block. This class has sparked much discussion. Let's make one thing clear before I dig deeper into these subjects: I never said what I believe, I am just making statements. To be completely honest, I am not sure what I believe...

One of the topics is hope. "There is no such thing as hope. Hope unknown." These are both quotes I am sure you have heard about, or read about. I definitely think there are two different types of hope. I am not disputing the biblical view of hope, but is it necessary to have hope (worldly view) in order to have Hope (biblical view)? Hope is a situational word. Hope differs as to what each person believes. Life without Hope (biblically speaking) would be dark and pointless. In that sense, we shouldn't be hopeless. But what about hope? If hope is what gets you from one day to the next, then go ahead and believe in it. We shouldn't be so hopeful though that we do not see the reality of things, or so hopeless that we see no point in going from one day to the next. Now is that Hope, or hope?

Next topic. Reality. Reality is bold in the previous paragraph because of another statement. "The only reality that exists is what is in our minds." We are born with a clean slate. Nothing. Reality is what we make it. Or is it...?

Final topic for this post. Altruism. We do everything for ourselves. Whether we think we are doing something for someone else or not, in the end we are doing it for ourselves. There is the cost/reward: where wonderful minds figure out what the cost is to do something (help someone out), and what our reward will be. That's pretty much self-explanatory. Also, there is empathy. When we empathize with someone, we have the ability to understand and share the same feelings with others. It's still about ourselves. No matter what. Consciously or subconsciously. It doesn't mean we are wrong. Everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. Let's take feeding the homeless, as we did in Philly. In Proverbs 19:17 "Being kind to the poor is like lending to the Lord, he will reward you for what you have done." Okay, point taken? In the end, we are rewarded. Ourselves. Me. Even when we help others, it's about us.

Okayyyy. After that, you may want to severely hurt me. Note: We won't always agree. I'm not out to start arguments with anyone. I am also not judging anyone. Simply questioning, and somewhat defending things. I am still figuring out what exactly I believe. So, as J.sica wrote, lets converse! =] lool. (Ima word stealer!)

P.S. I believe in one that that is for sure and will never change. That is that Jesus Christ is my Savior and through Him all things are possible. I wouldn't be who I am today without that, and I just wanted to make that clear. When I say I am questioning things, my faith is not one of them. =]

Please, pLease, plEase, pleAse, pleaSe, pleasE comment. Thanks!

"Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable."

2008-03-27T18:54:00.003-04:00

The title of this blog is officially my quote for the day. I think it speaks truths in so many different ways.

Ready for this ADD moment.....

My youth pastor rocks. JJ is amazing. You should really check his blog.

Ok, ADD done. ( I didn't type that line up there ^^^ JJ did!)

Anyways. Today was a much better day than yesterday. I think it took until 10:30 to realize this, but it's all good. Right now I cannot WAIT to go to Philly. I know what you're thinking, this Kaydee chick doesn't know what she wants in life. I've got news for you: A ton can change in 24 hours. =]

Today was quite a hectic day. After waking up late and starting a new nine weeks, our advanced theatre class HAD to kick it into high gear for our show tomorrow night. We are doing "A Night of One Acts" that is completely student directed. It goes on tomorrow night at OHS Theatre for 5$, so be there!!!! Luckily for Alyson and I, we are the directors. AH! In the end though, I am sure it will pay off. During the middle of second period today, Alyson realized we forgot the table we are using for one of the acts at the church. Dude, not cool man. I headed over there to pick it up in my nicely sized Rav4, and ended up spending a few hours there.

Oh, how I love church. Seriously though. I was in the church messing with the trad bible up in the front and turned it to a different page, wondering if anyone would notice. I decided to read whatever my eyes randomly decided to look at. I know it is in Psalm, but that's as far as my memory serves me. After reading the first couple of verses, I knew God was giving me a swift kick in the butt! I don't know how else to describe it. It helped open my eyes to see things differently. The bigger picture. I know what the bigger picture is, it is always in the back of my mind, but I also know it can slowly fade away. I am glad God has placed people in my life that can help re-direct me on the right path, in the right direction. I am so thankful for moments like these.

I know this post is really random. Hopefully after more of this addicting blogging, I will be able to focus on one idea for longer than a paragraph! =]

P.S. Please keep Project Philly in your thoughts and prayers. We are leaving in 30ish hours. I guess I have to pack tomorrow! Comment!

Rambling.

2008-03-27T00:28:00.000-04:00

Apparently blogging is becoming the new "in" thing. Like Jessica said, it reminds me of the days before MySpace. Reminds me of Xanga!

Anyways... ramble!

I am one of the ones having a tough week. Not so much a tough week, just a crappy Tuesday that bled over to Wednesday. Overall though, I need to realize things aren't about myself, and my bad couple of days, and really focus on the fact we are leaving for Philly in 53(ish) hours. There is no way I can go into this missions trip the way I am right now. I can honestly say that. We all have blah days but I am sure there are people any and everywhere going through worse. I don't have the right to compromise people in Philly I could reach out too because things don't go as I planned for me. I guess the only thing I can say is.. I am working on it. It is not too often you'll hear (or read) me admit these kinds of things. Don't get me wrong though.. I am not looking for sympathy or anything like that. I am jut sorta using this blogging spot as a way to express myself.

I hope that most everyone reading this will comment. It doesn't have to be about the blog, but just comment in general. It'll help to get my brain going for other ideas to type about! =]